Souls, Suicide Prevention, & Climate Justice
If you are on a laptop or desktop computer, please pick a song below to listen to while you read.
If you are reading this blog post on a cell phone, pick your poison either BEFORE or AFTER you read (or NEVER!!!! I will literally never know, I’m just trying to make this reading experience as entertaining as possible for you all, you ungrateful sacks’o’shit). There used to be more options than the following two but BROCKHAMPTON, Lana, and Brand New’s lawyers disabled them. I do not own the following songs, obviously. (:
I have been thinking a lot about the human soul.
I have been obsessing over the idea that there is this little white jumble of light, tangled like Apple earbuds, sitting in the middle of my chest. I have been thinking about how sometimes when it gets scared it falls to my stomach. And, other times, when it is joyful, it finds its way to my throat.
I’ve been thinking about how when I am lonely, it leaves my body altogether and takes a seat next to me on the train. We sit with one another and try to offer the other as much grace and patience as we can – more often than not, we cry together.
I have been radically sitting with my soul a lot lately. For the past sixty-some days, we have become close friends.
Indeed it is my background in philosophy that I have to thank (Professor Beardsley, in particular) for my continuous inquiry concerning souls. But, one thing I did not learn in philosophy is how to offer my soul sustenance. This has been the biggest learning curve of my Watson Year thus far.
This past week (the third week in September) has been the most soul-sustaining sequence of days thus far.
I feel liberated.
I see myself in my soul, and my soul sees itself in me (a very intimate form of Hegel’s mutual recognition). I cannot count how many times I’ve cried tears of joy in the last week alone. I figured I’d structure this blog post slightly differently than others. I’ll recount for you all (and for my future self) my day-to-day life.
Here’s how I have been sustaining my soul:
September 1: Attended a small festival, ate bitterballen, received my trillionth Dutch baptism.
September 5: Cut off all my hair. Had every hair stylist and barber in the salon tell me why they stay alive.
September 6: Met with Flip Sutorius, the Dutch doctor who was prosecuted for murder after euthanizing a patient. Flip’s case set the precedent for the 2002 Dutch Euthanasia Law. We met at Bocca Coffee Roasters in Amsterdam. He was so incredibly kind. He spoke of trust, suffering, and the role of the doctor. I then went to an incredible art show that featured a piece on the gentrification of Rotterdam.
September 7: Nick’s birthday is always a good day. (Please click the button to the right to educate yourself about the intersection between mine and my brother’s life.)
September 10: Drank an entire bottle of Chardonnay in the park with Ier, walked to the Euromast. Ate Kapsalon. Skated around the city.
September 12 : Went to Utrecht, NL to meet with the two men at ProRail who are designing their suicide prevention campaign. They are very concerned with copycat behavior (emotional contagion). They created a PowerPoint in English just for me.
September 14: One of my favorite days thus far – sat and ate another kapsalon. Watched some street music, hung out with all the folx from Lilith at the Fruit Port.
September 15: Chatted with a migrant worker from Croatia underneath my favorite willow tree. He stays alive for his daughter Mia. He thinks the Germans and the Dutch lack any and all creativity.
September 16: Went to Schiedam with Ier. Worked on my law school personal statement. Finally interviewed them on why they stay alive. Ate some carrot cake. Got invited for dinner in Vlaardingen. Talked about the Dutch health care system and U.S. mass shootings all night.
September 17: Went to The Hague for shits and giggles and checked out the End of Life Clinic.
September 18: A man stepped in front of the train at Lombardijen Station, less than a minute away from my flat. The entire country was shifted off balance. This day was heavy.
September 19: Went back to Utrecht. Drank a proper cortado. Had a come to Jesus talk with myself and found peace in my future. Drank rum and coke on the train home.
September 20: Had my first real stroopwaffel.
September 21: Met with Amy in Antwerp. Amy was approved for psychiatric euthanasia two years ago but has not yet utilized it. Amy is a well-known advocate for psychiatric euthanasia in Belgium, alongside her psychiatrist Lieve Theinpont. Amy is a beer sommelier. We spent all day together. I consider her a close friend now. This is what the Watson is all about. Here are some out-of-context-but-still-verbatim-quotes:
“They [the psychiatrists] told me when I could eat, go to the bathroom, smoke, and leave the room…now they’re going to tell me whether or not I can die?”
“My family is now suing them.”
“I just wanted out.”
However, one of the most important parts of the conversation I had with Amy centered itself around the subjective experience of suicidality. She calls this a “death wish.” This conversation was important because it touched on the nuance of desiring to die. I’d like to thank Nina Kranzdorf for answering some of my questions on how to compliment and complicate the common understanding of suicide prevention.
I want to make it very clear (especially after my International Suicide Prevention Day post) that suicide prevention is NOT just crisis intervention.
True suicide prevention addresses the material and social conditions that oppress and marginalize. True suicide prevention is proactive to decolonize and deconstruct the systems of oppression that propagate heartache, mental illness, and suicidality.
And, let us not forget, especially this week that
The climate strike is on Sept. 27. I will be joining with Queers4Climate NL.
Speaking of suicide prevention, I am finally meeting with 113 Zelfmoord Preventie on the 26th. I have meetings all day.
And, Megan (the one and only University of Puget Sound Commencement speaker) will come to visit me on Sept. 29. (She’s bringing Velveeta Shells, Takis, Frito’s Mild Cheddar Nacho Cheese, and some La Croix). We will hang out in Amsterdam, the Hague, and Rotterdam for three days before she goes to Germany.
I leave for Lithuania on October 5th. I was able to set up a meeting with some folx from the United Nations to chat about inclusive and accessible mental health care across cultures.
I’ll be taking over the UPS’s social media sometime soon. (KEeP yOUr EyES PeEleD!)
Have made no progress in ‘Infinite Jest.’ :-)
I am greedy. I want more time everywhere, with everyone. I just want it all! Is that too much to ask?
I got invited to attend the World Congress of Mental Health with Argentina’s government ministries.
My soul and I are grateful for anyone and everyone who cares to follow along on this journey and bear with us as we ebb and flow together.
With gratitude,
Sam
This is Flip. One of the most incredible and special interviews I have ever had. Thank you for the coffee and kindness, my friend.
This is Ier. I am so fortunate and so blessed to have met them. Honestly, I feel bad for Argentina, New Zealand, Indonesia, and Nepal, they have their work cut out for them when it comes to meeting another person as special as this one right here. Ier is currently getting a Masters in Gender Studies at the Universitet of Utrecht. Ier enjoys skateboarding, Judith Butler, and showing me all the beautiful parts of the Netherlands. This photo was taken in Scheidam, NL.
This is the Lilith Coffee crew. They have let me step behind their bar to make my own coffee more times than one. Very kind and cool people. Not pictured: the man who stays alive to understand more the balance between dark and light.
I am grateful for the significant amount of time these two men set aside to teach me about the work they’re doing to prevent suicide by train. There is so much to say that if I don’t say it all, I won’t say any of it.
The scene outside of Lombardijen Station (less than a minute away from my flat). A man killed himself on this day.
Saw my very favorite artist The Japanese House. If that ain’t soul sustaining, I don’t know what is.
Amy has been featured in the Alt. Press and other international news networks for her approval for psychiatric euthanasia. Amy got me drunk in Antwerp off of Trappist Bier (beer brewed in a monastery by the monks of Belgium).