A Very Brief Inquiry into Nostalgia
This blog post is brief, just like all the moments I have and will experience on this year.
Philosophers of Emotion argue that nostalgia is a feeling that is necessarily directed into the past. The word, with its roots in Ancient Greek, finds its etymology in its heartbreaking affect. Nostos meaning “to return home” and algia, “a painful condition.”
I find myself nostalgic for this very moment. I am writing in a beautiful coffee roastery in Vilnius, Lithuania. It’s cold inside and outside. The coffee keeps me warm.
There is a term for this kind of nostalgia as well: anticipatory nostalgia.
I am nostalgic every second of every day.
I am blessed to live this life —
one that only concerns itself with living and dying
(and other suicide junk).
I miss everything about the Netherlands.
This blog post, like the post “On Tacoma,” is dedicated to the places and people whom I will be the most nostalgic for. And, although, not directly related to my project, it is important for me to express my gratitude for the folx who have offered me a radical insight into my life and their culture.
1. Harvest Coffee Brewers. Thank God for your yellow espresso machine and the incredible kindness and community I have found there. I may have lost the latte art throwdown, but, I won in finding a space to call home in Rotterdam.
2. Lilith Coffee. Thanks for the opportunity to step behind your bar and all the discussions on life, death, and meaning. Thank you for the American style pancakes and all the horrifying encounters with Dutch wasps.
3. The Village Coffee. I may not have known you for long. But, you were my introduction to Utrecht. And, my soul is split because of you. Thanks for the proper cortado(s) and the beautiful people that choose to enter your space.
4. Hostel ROOM Rotterdam. There is something intoxicating about you. That’s why I keep coming back. I am blessed to have met all of you. Thank you for being my introduction to Rotterdam. I will miss you: French Baker Boi and Irish Cat. And, I already miss you Pete (thanks for the picnic in Paris) and Georgie. I know I’ll see the both of you again.
5. Nina. You remind me of the States (obviously). Beyond anything and everything, I want you to know that I have learned a whole lot from you. I look up to and admire you. There is nothing more I can say here. Maybe I’ll see you in Berkeley sometime in the future.
6. **Flo. How sentimental am I allowed to be after only knowing you for a few weeks? Obviously very. I have no words for the healing you have brought to my heart and soul. I will miss the old school house and the bed found within. I’ll miss the oatmeal and everything else warm and cold you have given me. You know how deeply I care for you and if I write anything else here that even attempts to explain, it wouldn’t do these feelings justice. Nothing I can do will ever do any justice to your extraordinary soul.
7. And, Ier. Fuck you for making this place, this country, this everything, into something that I will miss profoundly for the rest of my life. This transition into Argentina would have been so much easier had I not met you. But, here I am, lamenting the tragedy that is the love you have instilled in me for the beautiful country you call home. So, fuck you. You have made this all too difficult. And, I want absolutely none of it. I keep crying on trains and planes and its all your fault. Fuck you. (Read: Thank You.)
I know I am doing this Watson Year right because meeting you all could not have been an accident.
Thank you all for giving me insight into how and why people stay alive in the Netherlands.
**This is Flo — Flo is a double Leo and does not let the world forget it. I am Flo’s sugar daddy. Catch them in the bathtub with a Vapiano card in hand. Flo is excellent at making oatmeal and even better at making me feel loved.
